Tuesday, January 24, 2006


This was sent in by Anonymous (aka ILovedMary-KateAndAshleyBeforeAnyOfYou).

I was at a small bar attached to a trendy restaurant near downtown Houston on Friday night. It was around midnight and the after-dinner crowd had thinned, leaving only a dozen or so people in the bar. I ordered a Chimay and while waiting for my drink noticed a joyously elfin man posing for pictures with various camera phone-toting patrons. A tallish blonde leaned on the bar near him and a tall guy with long dark hair hovered nearby. My beer arrived and I asked the bartender who the apparent celeb was and was delighted to learn that it was Lars Ulrich, legendary drummer/leader of Metallica. I chatted with my companions and casually watched Lars as he generously talked to his fans and enjoyed the company of his friends. Quite amazingly, whenever he posed for a picture, he assumed a rock-and-roll posture, complete with contorted face, tongue out and appropriate hand gestures -- the consummate entertainer.

Not content to gawk, I decided that I wanted a bit of interaction with Mr. Ulrich. Not being one to particularly value autographs or photos, I decided to go for a shared chuckle. Armed with my Windows Mobile SmartPhone, I quickly Googled Lars and was able to pull up a picture of the heavy metal icon backstage somewhere, standing nude with some other rockers. I figured a good way to get some face time would be to show him the photo. When the blonde went to the restroom, I moved in.

I opened with, "Hey, is this you standing nekked backstage?"
"Let me see that,"
he responded, followed with, "That's a riot. Where'd you get that?"
"Just found it on my phone; pretty funny, eh?"
I countered.
"You know who that guy is next to me, right?" he queried.
"It's too small on here, I can't really tell," I lied, even if it was an 8"x10" portrait, I doubt my heavy metal knowledge would have revealed much.
"It's the singer for Iron Maiden. That guy's a trip," he answered.
"Ha, pretty cool. You guys are crazy," I replied.

We shared a bit more small talk until I saw the blonde approaching. We shook hands and bid each other goodnight.

Before leaving the bar, I learned who the blonde was. Turns out, it was Connie Nielsen, the only female cast-member of The Gladiator.

I wasn't able to find a naked picture of her on my phone, though.


At 3:53 PM, Blogger jsbankston said...

Hmm, seems Lars really is the Master of Puppets.

At 6:34 PM, Blogger Luke said...

For nekkid shots of Connie Nielsen (grrrr), simply endure two painful hours or so of Keanu (Dude!) Reeves and Al (Yell A Little More, Please) Pacino in "The Devil's Advocate." And for an added bonus, director Taylor Hackford will throw in Charlize Theron, too. Such a deal!

Not that I know this, of course. Someone told me about it. I've never seen those women nekkid anywhere, least of all in a movie. No way. Not me.

Shit...are the Feds subpoenaing NJK after Google? Does this mean I'm in trouble??

At 8:13 PM, Blogger jsbankston said...

Subpoenaing Google? What's that about? I've mostly confined my news awareness lately to internet broadcasts of the BBC World Service covering the Thames River Whale story.

At 9:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn, great post. Shoulda added -- "Lars, got you just stepping out of the pool ... ".

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Satisfied '75 said...


At 10:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sweet sighting ... sounds like lars was a great sport.

At 10:32 PM, Anonymous JJones said...

You should have told him you love Metallica and enjoy downloading their songs. He would have loved that!

At 7:54 AM, Blogger jsbankston said...

I would've asked him why James Hetfield always keeps his mike stand so low that he has to lurch over it like a vulture, instead of raising it to a convenient height. That's always bothered me.

At 2:10 PM, Blogger CHW said...

Excellent post. I love this kind of shit.

At 10:38 AM, Blogger cgpop said...

you should have told him to ditch the therapy sessions and get back in touch with satan. just kidding.

At 2:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being a big ol' metal dork I have to point out the fact that the man next to Lars in the photo is not th singer from Iron Maiden (Bruce Dickenson) but the bass player (Steve Harris).

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.


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